Padres Weight Loss Program: Lose 19lbs EASY!

We get it, you are fat. We all are. Not many of us can complete a complete cycle of p90x, mainly because we get fed up with Tony Horton around Day 8. Not to worry, we at The Pitiful Padres help you to cut calories this year while religiously watching your favorite baseball team, the San Diego Padres.

Panda Sandoval needs to get on my program

Step 1: Find a perfect spot to watch

This might sound tougher than it sounds. Well, not really. Found a couch and a big TV. This is where your 162-game + playoffs* (*not guaranteed) work out will take place.

Step 2: Construct your workout

• Pre-Game: 
• If you are like me, you are pacing for at least 20 minutes prior to the game beginning waiting for the first pitch home run-turned-fly-ball at Petco Park. Without even knowing, you have began your workout and burned 68 calories before the Star-Spangled Banner is botched by some eight year old girl scout troop.
  
• During Game:









 Padres fan, King Leonidas, used this workout before filming 300

• Sac Bunt/Stolen Base sit-ups: Since the Padres are one of the most efficient teams in these two categories in 2012 with 155 SB's (2nd) and 63 Sac Bunts (9th), let us fans show our appreciation for the efficiency the Padres use to produced and the small ball tactics they display by doing sit-ups. Every 5 push ups is 1 calorie, so why not go 25 sit-ups to burn 5. The Padres average 1.34 of these run producers a game which comes out to 6.72 calories per game which getting abs to rival those of the Spartans in 300.
• Home Run Hops: For every Padres home run Chase Headley hits, or any Padre for that matter, you can celebrate with them by jumping up and down for 30 seconds. The Padres hit just 121 (.75) home runs last year, which ranked 3rd last in the MLB, so this rare feat deserves some recognition. And at 6.25 calories per jack, your scale is going to be stoked about those fences moving in this year. 4.68 calories per game
• Squats for strike outs: The Padres struck out 1238 times last season (7.64/game), which ranked 14th in the league. To imitate Padres players taking a squat on the bench after swinging and missing, start doing squats for 30 seconds. To calculate calories, a simple math problem: Your Weight x .096 x .5 (30 seconds). For me (180lbs), that is 8.64 calories per whiff if we calculate that times 7.64, that is 66 calories a game. Lets just hope the Padres don't run into Aaron Harang again, or your legs could be on fire for a few innings.
• Double Plays=Strong Legs Since the Padres were too lazy to run out that ground ball to short stop, your calves with suffer because of it. Stand up and do calf raises for 30 seconds to burn. Don't worry, Padres grounded into 100 DP's last year (26th) for only 2 calories per game
• Running For Runs The Padres were 23rd in the MLB last year with 651 runs scored last year, so why don't us fans give a little extra hustle to inspire the Padres and run in place for 30 seconds after every run scored. This will burn 5 calories and with the average of 4.01 runs per game, that is 20 calories per game
• Post Game
• Padres Victory Push ups After every Padres victory, which we can assume on 162 this year, do 25 push ups. For all those glass-half-empty people, do 25 even if they lose to encourage them for next game. At 1 calorie each, that is 25 calories per game

Now to do our final tallies. If we add up the average calories burned per game with the exercise and then factor in 295 calories for sitting and watching the game (2.9hrs, the average length of game x 102 calories/hour sitting and talking), we come up with 419.4 calories per game burned! Times that by 162 games, we can burn 67,942.8 calories per season which if divided by 3,500 (the amount of calories in a pound), we can burn 19.41lbs this season simply by watching baseball.

Fun Fact: Chase Headley will actually help you lose the most weight on the team! Leading the team with 157 strikeouts (1,356 calories), 95 Runs  (475 calories), 31 HRs (193.75) and contributing 22 Sac/SB (110 calories) and 7 GIDP (14 calories), Headley alone contributes for 2148.75 calories without even including his wins. Headley helps you lose .61lbs, he is your weight loss MVP.

Of course these numbers don't factor in the number of hot dogs (290 calories, 21g fat/dog), Peanuts (840 calories/8oz bag), Nachos (1500 calories/40 chips with 4oz cheese), Pretzels (400 calories), and soda (230 calories/20oz) according to a "Health Website"

I guess what I am trying to say is, you are fighting a losing battle, so everything helps. But overall, my message, however conflicting it may be, EAT UP FATTY! BASEBALL IS BACK!