Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Top 10 Most Annoying Things to see at the park

There are so many good things to see at the baseball park from your team taking the field to hearing the crack of the bat to watching your favorite player smack a home run.

As much good as there is, I can't help but notice how many things piss me off when I attend a baseball game and quite frankly should be all together abolished. So, here is my guide of the worst 10 things that occur when attending a baseball game.

1. The wave
When will they banish this Satan worshiping thing? Usually started out by a group of snot-nosed, attention seeking kids or someone with a little too much alcohol trying to get everyone in the stadium to stand up and go around in circles over and over. I hate it. When I am trying to watch runners on first and second to see if we go with the sac bunt or let the eight-hitter swing away, I don't need the 87 year old grandma standing up in front of me in cult-like fashion following through with a pointless ritual. Please, oh please, get rid of this.
Not even Spicoli would ride this "tasty wave"


2. Little kids
I cannot stand these awful creatures at the ballpark. Although it is probably awesome to bring your kid to their first game or even back to the ballpark and dress them up as your little trophy, they tend to ruin the game for me. Sitting there asking from everything under the sun such as cotton candy and ice cream that runs all down their face and listening to them cry after their parents won't buy them anymore food and they are bored.

Once old enough to walk, I am gonna shove my son down in a seat hand him a beer and show them the game of baseball. Not really, but I would have a lot more respect for that than a parent who lets their six year old climb all over my chair who has no clue on earth who is up to bat or further, that they are at a sporting event, let alone a baseball game. If they don't want to watch the game, hire a baby sitter and leave them at home.

Disagree with me? Well I have one simple question to ask: have you ever sat in family section?

3 That guy rooting for other team
You know who I speak of. No not the nice couple from Colorado clapping when Todd Helton slaps a sixth-inning single. No, I am talking about the douche bag from San Francisco standing up and proclaiming to everyone at Petco Park that Angel Pagan is God's gift to man and that his single when down 6-1 in the 8th makes him the greatest player to walk to earth.

Don't be this guy...
I don't mind other teams fans coming to Petco Park because I have come to expect it. We are a transplant city and we are going to get a lot of strays from other cities with their fanhood ingrained, but they way they present themselves is cause for concern. You are a guest in our house, so act like one. Douche.

4 Sitting on the sunny side.
You know what I am talking about weekday day-gamers or the Sunday matinee. Get to the park and forget where the sun rises and sets (sets in the south right?) and you get to the stadium to find out you could bake a steak on your seat. Then to make matters worse, you look over at the shade side and its just like "sup? We are nice and cool over here, how's that tan line coming?" Don't you just hate that? Trying to use your Blue Print as a fan while the people with brains seem to be laughing as they enjoy their snow cones that don't melt to a puddle within 60 seconds. Put in the research or buy yourself a nice pair of glasses. Or better yet, attend Knockaround Sunglasses night on May 17th as the Padres rock their throwbacks.
Actual video of me from Petco Park


5. Ushers
I know you are trying to do your job, but I know where my seat is. After kindergarten, I think most of us had the general grasp of what reading is, so thanks man in the straw hat, I can take it from here. The real thing that pisses me off is when you try to check my ticket in section 327. Do you really think I am sneaking into the last section of the upper level? You should feel bad for me.


Exception: Q Guy. This guy is boss.

6. The overly drunk guy
I have nothing against someone having a few brews at the game and keeping in manageable. Not a drinker myself, but I can understand it still. But the overly drunk guy crosses the line. The guy that stands up and tries to draw attention to himself the whole game. The guy yelling out slurs and cussing at people. The guy blocking my view of home plate. The guy who is too sloppy to control himself. Don't be this guy at the game. Unless you do something cool.

Example: Remember this?


7. People talking on their phone
As much fun as it is to listen to you fight with your girlfriend or ask mom to wash your work clothes for you, I am trying to watch a baseball game. I am trying to pay attention and it is a little hard to do that with you yapping to someone who isn't at the game with no regard for the people around you. I get it, sometimes you need to make a call. Either make it quick or get up and go talk somewhere else. Your friends and everyone else around you will thank you and respect you.

8. Uneducated women
Have you ever heard any of these quotes:
"Did they get a touchdown?"
"How many points do they have?"
"Is it over yet?"

How embarrassing right? I understand not all girls are going to be sports nuts or have the passion for the game as their boyfriend does, but when you ask them who their favorite player is and they respond "Babe Ruth" you need to get them out of their ASAP. Boyfriends, it is your duty to let your girlfriends in on the amazing game of baseball. Teach them the basics and some basic knowledge of the game and make it more fun for them by understanding what the guy in the tight pants is doing throwing the ball at the other tight pants guy while he uses a broom handle to hit it into where the people sit.

And girls, this isn't a place to have your "night out". If you can't name at least 3 players in the starting lineup, I suggest you head out to the Gaslamp District, I don't need you getting drunk and yelling about make up while I am trying to watch Everth Cabrera steal second.

9. Concession prices
Seriously, $6 for a hot dog at Petco Park. This is barbaric. This is worse than Communism. You should not be charging almost more than the minium wage workers hourly pay for a meat tube made of pig guts. I guess they are trying to do their part by making veggie dogs $4.



10. People that show up late
Don't start yelling at me yet. I understand, some people have other priorities first. Work, kids, school yada yada, but when you have the ability to get to the game on time, get their on time. You look like a fool walking in at the start of the third-inning, and it is just plain rude. They won't let you into a play once it has started and I feel this should carry over to baseball. They are here to perform for you and you should respect them as a fan enough to get to the park 20 minutes earlier. Or better yet, don't show up at all and use the money to buy a watch or I guess a cell phone that reads time accurately.



Have you been a victim of these? If so I apologize. But, if you are an offender, I am personally calling you out for you to raise your ballpark etiquete standards and make the game more enjoyable and fun for those around you. We are all here to watch the Padres cruise to victory, so let us do it the right way.

Go Padres!

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