Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, this main event is scheduled for one fall....
I am a big fan of the wrestling and I have been since I was a young kid getting my first taste of the WCW and the Hulk Hogan era. Brother. As I was taking a shower, thinking about the upcoming Elimination Chamber PPV on February 23rd, I couldn't help but to have my mind wander off to see the likeness of many of my favorite wrestlers in comparison to some of the Padres players.
I know what you are thinking, baseball and wrestling? Those aren't alike! WRESTLING IS FAKE!!! But hear me out, I have good reasons for my comparison.
Chris Denorfia is Daniel Bryan
These two are the exact same person. Both of these players are super fan favorites and with their long flowing locks, they pump up fans in their respective arena. Both perform above average, but never seem to get the push they deserve because someone is always in front of them, whether it be John Cena or Will Venable. They are both waiting for their title chance and to show the fans they can be a true champion, defying all odds. While the "#Norf" chant may never catch on like the "Yes!" movement has, both of these superstars fly under the radar, but deliver results.
If you close your eyes and muffle your eyes, it almost sounds like Norf, right?
Cameron Maybin is Kofi Kingston
These two superstars are so much alike. Both are probably the most athletic ones in their respective locker room and perform high flying acts only they themselves would be able to accomplish. They both have the athletic ability but still haven't been able to get a long run at the top. After Cameron Maybin in his first year, he won Padres MVP, but then seem to slip to the level of mediocrity while Kingston has had a few short lived trips at the Intercontinental Title, but hasn't held on long any of those turns. I want both of these guys to get the push they deserve and show their ability to live up to the potential.
I'd like to see him jump off the top ropes
Everth Cabrera is Rey Mysterio
This one feels like a no brainer. Both undersized mens have been able to make a name for themselves by their performance in their craft. One a former WWE Champion and the other an MLB All-Star, while both repping San Diego? The excitement they provide fans through a diving play in the hole or a reversal into a special move, this one is about as cut and dry as it gets.
If Cabby can stop a ball in the hole, he can do this
Kyle Blanks is The Undertaker
The way I see it, these guys are similar for one reason. They both seem to come back once a year. Undertaker famously comes back one time a year for a short stretch during the WrestleMania season while Blanks seems to come back once a year while he's not on the DL. Two very different comebacks, but they perform almost equivalent amounts. Oh yeah, they both are HUGE!
Best Intro Video?
The Rock is Huston Street
No more explanation needed than best finisher in the game. Hands down. Proven closer.
Imagine the commentators being Mark Grant and Dick Enberg
Chase Headley is John Cena
I see your fanhood, Cena.
And last but not least, our two stars. No matter what, these two are expected to perform. I feel like ever time I watch John Cena, I expect him to win and every time Chase Headley steps into the box, he is supposed to hit a home run. Both men act as the face of the locker room and are the top dog. Chase Headley is maybe the only Padre that casual fans can name and same can be said about John Cena. And if Chase Headley's special move was the walk-off home run, he could be deadly in the WWE.
Give him a title belt.
So, we may never see our guys in the ring, but I'll give our team the #1 contender spot on the diamond any day of the week.
As fans, you probably talk about a lot of "what if" scenarios with your friends, most likely a few unrealistic feats that are fun to joke around with while playing video games and eating leftover pizza.
But with the Padres, the entire season can be said to be based off of a "what if" scenario" and I just wanted to point out a few big ones that Padres are going to be facing in the next few months.
"What if Edison Volquez doesn't turn his season around"
This is a highly likely scenario. Volquez has been serving up batting practice so far. So far, he has started off 0-3 with a 11.68 ERA (ouch). It is not like this is a new thing neither. Last year he went 11-11 with a 4.14 ERA and career 4.64 ERA lifetime. Seeing this, it is not like he about to hit his prime and start dominating. A guy with a mediocre fastball, terrible mechanics, and can hit his spots as well as Matt Kemp's hitting this early part of the year.
Is that Edison Volquez career I see?
Solution? Drop him out of the rotation. You have two arms in Andrew Cashner and Anthony Bass who are licking their chops to get back in the starting rotation. Bass so far has had some success in his 10.2 innings showing a 3.38 ERA and striking out 10, almost a strike out an inning. He has had struggles as a starter, just look at last year, but I have more faith in him than our so-called Opening Day starter. Cashner as well could be a viable option. Once he gets back in the rhythm of things, I think he could be an effective starter. We saw great flashes of him last year as a starter, picking up some wins. It would be nice to give him a chance and maybe make the argument that the Anthony Rizzo trade was not a complete failure on Padres management. 100 MPH fastball is something worth using often.
"What if Chase Headley doesn't perform as well as last year"
Well, even though as I fan, I would like him to do so, I do not think he will put up similar numbers, but I still think he will be good. When looking up his fly ball tracks from last year, almost 25% of fly balls he hit left the yard, an extremely high number for any MLB player. Also, he may take a few weeks to get himself back fully from injury, so basically, the first month is a wash.
Although, the batters in front of him have been playing well. Chris Denorfia is turning himself into a every day starter and one of the few Padres who can hit .300, mix that in with a Everth Cabrera who has been swinging well and a Will Venable who has been able to get on base, Headley may have a lot of runners to drive in in front of him, so the RBI totals will be there. If he can get some power out of Yonder Alonso, Kyle Blanks and Yasmani Grandal when he returns, maybe he will have some protection in the lineup.
Anyways, if he doesn't perform, he will most likely stay a Padre because his trade stock will plummet, and if he does, well, lets just hope management keeps their promise.
"What if Cameron Maybin never gets good again"
Unfortunately, this could be a sad reality for the Padres. The Padres "Player of the Year" in 2011 to batting just over .200 in 2012, to not even sniffing .100 batting average while obtaining an early wrist injury. It makes me cringe every time I remind myself we signed him 5yr/$25, a really premature move considering he only had one good year to go off of. I know the guy is 26 years old and still can hit his prime, but I only see him as a defensive factor and someone who swings for the fences but comes up short. If only he could play like his doppelganger, Dexter Fowler, who is becoming a force in Colorado.
What is Maybin doing in a Rockies uniform?
Maybin also is going to have a hard time finding any time on the field if Kyle Blanks really does come back for good the the bigs. With the power Blanks provides, the consistency of Denorfia and the inability to sit Quentin, Maybin might as well see himself as the 5th option in the outfield for the Padres.
"What if Denorfia plays like this all year?"
Answer: He will. The guy is a career .284 hitter and has become an instant spark plug and reliable bat in the lineup. As one of my favorite players since he has come to the Padres, I am really pushing for him to continue his early success as a full time player instead of someone who splits time with Venable in right. It would be nice to find a surprise bat in the lineup.
Just think of the lineup if players play up to potential:
Cabrera
Denorfia
Headley
Alonso
Quentin
Blanks/Venable
Hundley
Gyorko
That is a lot of power potential to hit balls into shorter Petco fences and make pitchers actually think twice about the Padres lineup even without Grandal. I am seeing a few guys who have 20+ home run potential.
"What if the Padres turn it around?"
They can. I really, truly believe that they can. They just need to get more out of their pitching staff. All of these early exits by starting pitching has really taken a toll on the bullpen and logging a lot of extra innings on them. I feel bad for a guy like Thad Weber who's sole purpose was to come up and eat innings for the big league club, only to be sent back down. If we can get pitching like we did in LA and string a full quality starts together, maybe, just maybe, the Padres can push for a .500 record. I am sold that the Padres have a good lineup who can score runs, just ask Papa John's, who has been dishing out 40% coupons all year because of it. If you can combine the pitching with the hitting, the Padres can be an underrated force against overrated teams.
"I got you, Padres fans"
The Padres aren't as bad as their record shows. They are just struck with the injury bug and playing to what they are expected to play at. Remember the second half last year? All the same pieces are here, I know they can play like that. Lets hope they can know that for themselves.
BAD:
1. Pitching in general. 3rd in MLB in walks with 39, 18th in K's, 27th ERA 5.29. This is a bad trend that needs to be fixed ASAP. No pitching, no wins, because the Padres do not have the offense to support it.
Actual picture of Edison Volquez
2. Team Batting Average: 8th to last with a .239 average. Without Denorfia, Kotsay and Hundley, the average would be in the dumpster.
3. Denorfia not starting every day. With Maybin hitting sub .100, he cannot justify getting any playing time. Meanwhile, Denorfia is hitting over .400 and plays a decent enough outfield to play the field every night.
4. Attendance: Opening Day sellout was awesome. After opening day, pathetic. In the low 20,000s for the other two Dodger RIVAL games and 21,000 on a Friday night with a promotion is awful. Get to the park people.
Fans consistently have been dressing as blue seats when they come to the game
5. The record. 2-8 is bad. Close games, but need wins.
6. Gyorko's walkup music. I know he went to school in West Virginia but...
7. Early inning offense/early inning pitching
8. Baserunning. Silly mistakes out there. For anyone who watched last nights game, refer to Will Venable getting picked off first by a right fielder.
9. Cameron Maybin. In a deep slump with no signs of getting out soon.
10. Fences, but only because they've benefited the other teams more so far. I am talking to you Juan Uribe.
GOOD:
1. Nick Hundley can hit! 11 XBH last year in 200+ ABs and already 6 in the first 10 games. I like what I am seeing.
2. Carlos Quentin lighting a fire. Sure, it may cost him 8 games and some cash, but getting the team pumped up in something needed.
3. Denorfia being very productive, near a .500 obp. As stated above.
4. Made games at least exciting to watch. Games are at least coming down to the late innings giving Padres a chance. Oh yeah, the brawl spiced things up a bit.
5. Chase Headley comes back soon. 1-3 in Lake Elsinore last night. Could maybe be back for Dodgers series.
6. Late inning offense. Getting some clutch hits late in the ball game to crawl back from early inning runs pitchers have been giving up.
7. Cabrera leading off and having long productive at bats. He is seeing a lot of pitches and getting on base. If his steals start coming back, he could be a legit (Padres) leadoff hitter.
Watch your nuts, Ellis.
8. Yonder's versatility. More hilarious than good. 1st, 2nd, 3rd, Closer. Wherever you need Yonder, he will be there.
9. Uhhhhhhh....
10. Are there actually 10 good things? The Pad Squad girls?
Maybe they can get a win tonight. Rock the Rockies.
According to Wikipedia, the greatest of all sources, the word cereal derives from Ceres (fascinating first couple paragraphs), the name of the Roman goddess of harvest and agriculture. You may be asking yourself what this has to do with our Padres. The answer? Not much.
Cereal is the best food on the planet and the Padres are the best baseball team on the planet. Therefore, I figured I should compare some of our favorite (or least favorite) Padres to their cereal counterparts. Yes some parts won't make complete sense, but remember I'm comparing human beings to cereal. I just ask for you, my reader, to take this article super cereal. I'm hilarious.
If you see spelling errors it's because this is a blog (I don't enjoy editing) and sometimes spell check doesn't identify unfinished words
I promise you'll somewhat enjoy this entry.
Please keep reading.
Please.
Chase "Deadly" Headley = Special K
My personal favorite cereal (the Fruit & Yogurt variety seriously go buy it right now) and personal favorite Padre. He'll never let you down- and just the like the delicious milk at the bottom of the bowl, he'll be there for you at the end of games.
You heard it here folks, "Chase Headley can give you the highest level of productivity available in a player, and productivity can help you win games. So make Chase Headley part of you daily lineup" That's what you heard too, right?
Chris Denorfia/Will "The Thrill" Venable = Cinnamon Toast Crunch/Frosted Toast Crunch
Damn, what a combination. CTC is old reliable for me. if I need a quick pick-me-upI mosey on down to the grocery and pick up a box or 4. The delicious blend of cinnamon swirl and milk leaves me wanting more every time. So I pour another bowl of course. The same, err, could be said about Deno. Solid, reliable platoon man out in right. Every year he impresses me and he still stands out as one of the few Padres who can actually have a chance to bat .300 every year (I guess it's hard?).
Then we've got The Thrill, Deno's comPADRE (see that?!?!?!?) in right field. FTC is my new jam, and Venable has quickly become one of my favorite Padres. FTC has a more smooth and rich flavor than CTC and allows for more consumption without flavor overhaul. I think I may have to refer to Venable's swing as "frosty" from now on. Also, have you seen this guy's hairline? Talk about perfection.
Sup.
Cameron Maybin = Reese's Puffs
Mmm...Reese's Puffs. What an amazing cereal. You get the perfect blend of chocolate and peanut butter. With Maybin, you get a blend of speed and power. "But Matt, you're dumb Maybin hasn't even hit 10 home runs in one year!" My answer to that is "I know." But hear me out on this one- Maybin has incredible power, and we've had tastes of what he can do when he actually connects with a ball (skip to 2:50 and please mute your sound, you DO NOT want to listen to the song that is playing):
What I'm saying is that Maybin has true power- he just needs to become a better hitter all-around in 2013, hopefully reducing his strikeouts and having better plate discipline. I used to call him Cameron May...be He'll Get A Hit, but after his vast improvement in the second half of 2012, I see him having a great year, hopefully hitting somewhere near a .275 avg with 10-15 homers. And of course, we know the dude can play a mean center and steal a bunch of bases. Just FYI, Reese's puffs has never had a down year. Don't get it twisted.
Mark Kotsay = Lucky Charms
Yes you read it right, Mark Kotsay (he still plays?). This guys was a spark plug for the team last year, producing some clutch pinch-hits in crucial situations. He's a reliable veteranthat can come off the bench and still produce. I really hope he makes the squad this year, it really does make a difference having a veteran in the clubhouse and on the field for a team.
Sometimes I forget about Lucky Charms, sometimes I forget that Kotsay plays baseball. But when I remember, it tastes good.
Pretty much Mark Kotsay, right?
Carlos Quentin = Fruity Pebbles
Need I say more?
Yasmani Grandal = Wheaties
Sorry, but I have to:
Wow, he got big.
All jokes aside (Sorry Yasmani I know you love this blog), he is a GREAT player. He made a mistake and has owned up to it. I know we all hope this never happens again and that he will stay a Padre for years to come. He provides such a spark offensively and can only progress from here as such a young player. Plus, he is a switch hitter and can cause problems for pitchers on both sides of the plate. We got such an amazing package from the Reds in the Latos trade, and Grandal may end up being the prized possession (although Alonso and Volquez haven been equally as important).
The Entire Bullpen = Kix
Nothing special, but a great cereal. To the common eye, Kix look plain and boring. To the smart humans (Padres fans), Kix is a solid cereal that tastes refreshing and healthy (can things taste healthy...hot dogs, right?)
To the casual fan the Padres bullpen is lacking in big names and strong arms, to which I say lol. I want to see more from Nick Vincent but he had a productive 27 appearances for the team last year, posting a 1.71 ERA, .98 WHIP, and 9.6 SO/9, but I'd like to see the walks go down from 2.4 BB/9.
Thayer and Tatcher are solid relievers, with Thayer filling in as the closer for a portion of last year and Thatcher being awesome simply based on how he somehow pulls off his pitching delivery:
Huh?
Then we have Luke Gregerson, with a slider more deadly then Ricin (can Breaking Bad start again please?).
"Use the slider Luke, let go...of the ball."
Then we have Huston Street(Heath who?). The major problem for him was staying healthy last year. But, we can all be happy that his problems weren't shoulder or arm problems, so nothing mechanically will be or has been compromised. 23 saves a year ago, with only 17 hits allowed in 39 innings. Yeah I'll take that all day. If we can have an entire year with Street, the team will obviously benefit greatly. And hey, at least he'd be earning his 5 yr/$36M contract. If the bullpen produces like they should, who knows they may even evolve into Berry Berry Kix (and will be Berry Berry good, gosh I'm funny!)
Yes, please.
Starting Rotation = When you mix cereals and don't know how it'll taste
Yum?
I like all of the options for this year's rotation to start the year. Obviously when Luebke gets healthy, he's gonna be our guy. But for now I like all of the competition for the final 1 or 2 spots at the end of the rotation. Spring Training should be fun to watch for the young and Garcia (old) pitchers. But we won't know how good it will be until the real season starts, let's just hope we don't have 25 (or so) different starters like last year.
Kyle Blanks = Bran Flakes (with spoiled milk)
Awww thanks Mom this looks really good!
Sounds unhealthy amirite? Obviously a joke but seriously dude play for more than 55 games for once. If he can play like we all know he can, he could be a regular option on this team. I want him to get healthy and perform, then he can become Raisin Bran Crunch, with emphasis on the CRUNCH:
He can do this for the Padres, too? Please?
Honorable mention for Raisin Bran CRUNCH video:
There he is.
Alright folks, that's it. I love cereal and I love the Padres. Opinions shared in this entry do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the other writers, but they should start thinking like me because I'm always right.
Dear reader, I wish to take you on a journey. A wonderful journey of the mind. A dream scape unsullied by pictographs rendering your imagination moot and void. No, here we find a land of possibilities.
David Eckstein, clearly buggered by this Inception-level poopoo.
At this point, the author pauses to pose a question most hypothetical: you, most handsome or beautiful reader -have you lost weight?- would you prefer a blog post supplemented with visual affirmation that your humble recorder of the fates was "there" (which is purely metaphysical nonsense!)? Of course not. How droll.
Besides, if a picture's worth a thousand words, I think Bret would be fairly pissed if I posted two images and called it a night. Onward we go, lovable reader, onward to the past.
No more explanation needed than best finisher in the game. Hands down. Proven closer.
