It's time for Top Ten Tuesdays, a segment that will be anything but consistent. We all love memes. We all love the San Diego Padres. I have a feeling we all won't love these memes- in fact, it took me a long time to find 10 respectable ones and the ones at the top of this list aren't even that great. Here...we...go.
10.
An overused meme IMO and not too funny, although it would take the Monstars'
help to get the Padres 8 in a row this year.
9.
Philosoraptor is a classic meme but this installment falls short of lasting appeal.
Durr hurr they suck so funny right?
8.
Scumbag Steve with an unfriendly reminder that the Padres are the only team yet to pitch a no-hitter.
7.
Oh hey Adrian nice to see you. Why does your face look like this:
Hopefully the Dodgers end up in the DOGHOUSE at the end of the year. SO FUNNY
6.
Boromir may have a point on this one. Will the Padres break out the brooms this year?
Then again, Boromir was corrupted by the Ring so he is kinda dum.
5.
Dumb and Dumber is the greatest comedy ever written. I couldn't help but appreciate this.
What's their playoff probability at right now?
4.
Bad Luck Brian with another case of bad luck. Made the list also because of a strange resemblance to a fellow contributor to this blog...hmmmmmm.
3.
Another appearance by the Philosoraptor. He does present quite a quandary.
But the answer is: The Padres will lose. Remember when they lost 3 of 4 at home to the terrible Cubs in 2010 and then had to sweep The Giants to make it to the Playoffs and then it came down to the last game and the The Padres lost and the The Giants won the effing World Series. Yuuuuuuuuuuuup.
2.
I don't know why this made me laugh so much maybe it's because the home runs wouldn't count because he took PEDs. Or just because stats from a games against The Padres should have an asterisk. Players are probably like, "We get to face Marquis? And then Ross?!?! REJOICE!!"
1.
The Pitiful Padres.
This speaks for itself. It is the essence of The Padres, why we made this blog, why we love the team.
Whatever we write on this blog, know that we love this team and nothing will ever change that. But seriously people to need to make some better memes, are The Padres THAT bad that people get bored of making fun of them?
You gotta love that video (click on the lyrics for the link duuuuh) if your a Padres fan. Yes we know, don't put much value in Spring Training to evaluate productivity- but sheesh did you just hear that pop?
Alonso had a productive rookie campaign and really turned it on in the second half. He ended the year with a .273/.348/.393 line with 62 RBIs and 48 XBHs- 32% of his hits were for extra bases. I think this year we will see more power from him- I could see him hitting 15-20 HRs, up from only 9 last year.
Hey guys, I'm good at baseball. What's so funny Clayton?
He has proven that he can hit the left and right-center field gaps and if he doesn't end up generating more power, I am content with him hitting gappers all year. There's just so much to like a lot about this guy: he plays an above-average first base, has power to all fields, is young, and is durable (played in 155 games last year).
I'm so excited to see what he will do this season. Mat Latos who?
I know those lyrics at the top got you pumped, so here it is (can they make a Padres theme song, but not as awful as the one for the Chargers):
(This is an honest article written by someone who honestly
can’t write.)
Dear Reader,
What does it mean to be a fan? By definition, a fan is an
apparatus with rotating blades that creates a current of air for cooling or
ventilation. Wait, that’s not the right one but if you didn’t know what a fan
like that was then there you go. The definition I’m looking for is more like
this: a person who has a strong interest in or admiration for a particular
sport, art or entertainment form, or famous person. Now what is my role as a
fan of the San Diego Padres? I decided to give myself the task of writing this
article to find the answer to that question and find out how I came to be a
proud member of the Padre fan base. I found that in looking for an answer to my
current question, I had to go back…to the future.
Where we're going, we don't need good jokes.
Just kidding I had to go back to the past. I had to go to
where it all started for me and probably where many of you started as well, the
most dangerous cut-throat sporting fest known to man: little league. My dad really taught me the basics of baseball
but it was with little league that I really got to be involved with the sport
for the first time. I learned how to play baseball before I learned how to
speak English. That’s not true but it really was like learning a new language.
You are taught the basics, you train with what you’re given, and you use what
you know to do the best you can with other players.
The only problem I had as a
kid was that I loved to play but I didn’t give a shizz whether we won or lost.
All I wanted to do was hit the ball, run around in the grass, and have fun.
This didn’t bode well with the coaches. I can remember so vividly being about 8
years old standing in left field, some kid smacked the ball out right in-between
me and the kid playing center (which is actually kind of nuts now that I think
about it, those fields were small but not THAT small and that kid hit it pretty
far) and we didn’t know who was going to get the ball so neither of us did. The
coaches came out to yell at us and all I remember was being way more interested
in the bugs in the grass. I didn’t care that I was doing it wrong, I was just
happy to be there playing a game. The years went by and as my mentality of
having fun became more apparent to myself and to other kids and coaches, I knew
that I wasn’t cut out for a game where winning was everything. I didn’t want that.
Benny "The Jet" Rodriguez. The greatest fake player in history.
I think for me it was a lot like The Sandlot. Aside from
being in my top 10 movies of all time, that movie made me have this fantasy
growing up. I always had this dream that I would have this great group of
friends that played the game with each other and it was never more about
winning than it was about having fun during the summer just playing baseball. I
wanted so bad to be just like Benjamin Franklin Rodriguez, better known as
Benny “The Jet” because he was just the coolest and we even had the same last
name. All his friends looked up to him and he was all about playing for fun.
Now a little friendly competition never hurt but again, it was more fun to just
play than to win. A perfect example is when Hamilton “The Babe” Porter smacks a
homer over the fence to The Beast and Benny’s only response is something like, “Now
all it means is that we can’t play no more.” (You’re totally reading that in
Benny’s voice, right?) He just wanted the game to keep going, to never end and
that’s what I wanted, the fun to last. But, I didn’t have those friends growing
up. I didn’t have a sandlot and I definitely wasn’t Benny though I always
wished I was. So further adrift from my love for baseball I went.
Wiffle Ball: Emmett's only connection, his last hope
I stopped being interest in most things baseball because I
felt like I didn’t belong in something that seemed so elite to me. As far as
The Padres went, I knew I was a fan of the Padres but I didn’t fool myself, it
was only because of the territory. “I’m from San Diego, so I like the Padres.”
That was it, no real following but I did occasionally watch a game or two when
I could. So I kind of fell off the baseball map. I did however play wiffle ball
with friends at the park whenever the opportunity came up because that was
still fun for me. For a long time it was the only real connection that I had
with the game anymore.
Now this didn’t mean that baseball was out of my life
entirely. If you love something you can’t let it go completely. Sometimes the
things you love don't let go of you so easily.
I can remember being in highschool wishing I had stayed with
baseball but deep down I still felt that it wasn’t for me but I STILL wished I
had tried out. I’d see the kids on the team all dressed and ready for
practice and inside myself I knew I wanted to be a part of that. So it was
almost like I was haunted by the game because I left it behind and I left the
kid that only wanted to have fun behind as well. The only thing I could do was
dream and for a while that’s all I really had, a distant dream of a love long
abandoned.
Then something amazing happened. An angel came to me in the
guise of a dear friend, one of our other authors, Mr. Drew Tweedie. He offered
a chance to go to a game with him as he would happen to have an unused ticket.
I thought sure why not, I haven’t been to Petco Park yet and the last time I
went to a Padre game was sometime in the late nineties back when Trevor Hoffman
was bringing the closing heat. So we go and something unexpected happens to me.
We walk into the place and I get this overwhelming feeling that I hadn’t felt
since I was a kid back in my winter ball days. There was something so magical
about seeing the field under those bright lights for the first time, hearing
the roar of the crowd, seeing and
smelling what the vendors were selling, all sorts of food and drinks, going to
the team store, traveling up the escalators to our seats while seeing a view
of downtown San Diego that I’d never seen first-hand, and then finally and most
important, witnessing the game being professionally played by these guys in
uniform;The San Diego Padres. I completely fell in love with the game again.
It was like seeing an old friend you haven’t thought about in years and giving
them a big fat hug realizing how much you’ve missed them. It was extraordinary
to say the least.
If you build it, it might take a while but I'll be there eventually.
So as time would pass I started going to more and more games
with Drew and other friends when I was able to get an unused ticket and since
then it’s become something more. I no longer wait for a free ticket and I go as
often as I can as long as I can be there with my friends enjoying a game we all
have some kind of history with. I’m getting back in the groove of being a fan
of baseball again and learning about what it means to be a real, genuine fan of
the Padres for the first time. There’s something about seeing players from the
place you grew up taking on others defending the name of your home. You start
to take these guys in as your own and you’ll back them up no matter what. Win
or lose, they become part of you and with the right attitude you either say
something about how you’re stoked because they won or if they lose then
hopefully you find yourself thinking, “We’ll get ‘em next time.” I find that
staying positive is the best thing you can do as a fan. What good does it do
you or anyone else to complain about something you have little to no control
over? The best thing you can do is to cheer your team on because they deserve
that much. On the deepest level for me, it’s not just about seeing people play
a game at a professional level that are representing the place you live but it’s
also about seeing these guys that made it to the big leagues and probably
started out the same way I did, on a field having fun playing a game that
brings them happiness. It’s almost as if I get a second chance and I get to
live out a fantasy through them…and that’s when I really felt that I was a true
fan. I became a piece of the Padres. With that special feeling I really started
to understand that they need us as much as we need them and I truly believe
that.
How could you not love Will "The Thrill" Venable?
With all of this, I am now more involved with the game of
baseball than ever before. I play with
my friends in a slow-pitch softball league once a week when the season comes
around. One of my favorite parts of slow-pitch is when somebody will call me
Benny, or The Jet (mostly because of my last name but occasionally when I do
something sweet like hitting a triple) because it makes me feel like part of
that dream I had as a kid playing in a sandlot came true even though I am no
Benny but it still means more to me than they know. Like I said before I’ll be
going to as many Padre games as I can afford this season. I have a nice laundry
basket full of SD gear that I will no doubt be adding to come this season. I am
part of a campaign that aims at giving Will Venable the nickname, “The Thrill”
and making it famous among Padre fans. I am BEYOND stoked for MLB The Show ’13.
And finally, I am a now a blogger for The Pitiful Padres to which this article
will be my first entry. Needless to say, I love baseball again and I will never
let it go.
By now you might be thinking that this article wasn’t really
about being a fan of the Padres as much as it is about being a fan of baseball
in general, and to be honest with you I don’t totally disagree. I think the
point I wanted to get across was that for all of us that are fans of any team,
any sport, or anything that allows fans basically, we all have our reasons. For
me it’s about a second chance and for you it may be different but the end result
is the same. You are part of something
that means something to you and it’s something you and many others can identify
with. It’s there that you become part of something more…rotating blades and
all.
According to Wikipedia, the greatest of all sources, the word cereal derives from Ceres (fascinating first couple paragraphs), the name of the Roman goddess of harvest and agriculture. You may be asking yourself what this has to do with our Padres. The answer? Not much.
Cereal is the best food on the planet and the Padres are the best baseball team on the planet. Therefore, I figured I should compare some of our favorite (or least favorite) Padres to their cereal counterparts. Yes some parts won't make complete sense, but remember I'm comparing human beings to cereal. I just ask for you, my reader, to take this article super cereal. I'm hilarious.
If you see spelling errors it's because this is a blog (I don't enjoy editing) and sometimes spell check doesn't identify unfinished words
I promise you'll somewhat enjoy this entry.
Please keep reading.
Please.
Chase "Deadly" Headley = Special K
My personal favorite cereal (the Fruit & Yogurt variety seriously go buy it right now) and personal favorite Padre. He'll never let you down- and just the like the delicious milk at the bottom of the bowl, he'll be there for you at the end of games.
You heard it here folks, "Chase Headley can give you the highest level of productivity available in a player, and productivity can help you win games. So make Chase Headley part of you daily lineup" That's what you heard too, right?
Chris Denorfia/Will "The Thrill" Venable = Cinnamon Toast Crunch/Frosted Toast Crunch
Damn, what a combination. CTC is old reliable for me. if I need a quick pick-me-upI mosey on down to the grocery and pick up a box or 4. The delicious blend of cinnamon swirl and milk leaves me wanting more every time. So I pour another bowl of course. The same, err, could be said about Deno. Solid, reliable platoon man out in right. Every year he impresses me and he still stands out as one of the few Padres who can actually have a chance to bat .300 every year (I guess it's hard?).
Then we've got The Thrill, Deno's comPADRE (see that?!?!?!?) in right field. FTC is my new jam, and Venable has quickly become one of my favorite Padres. FTC has a more smooth and rich flavor than CTC and allows for more consumption without flavor overhaul. I think I may have to refer to Venable's swing as "frosty" from now on. Also, have you seen this guy's hairline? Talk about perfection.
Sup.
Cameron Maybin = Reese's Puffs
Mmm...Reese's Puffs. What an amazing cereal. You get the perfect blend of chocolate and peanut butter. With Maybin, you get a blend of speed and power. "But Matt, you're dumb Maybin hasn't even hit 10 home runs in one year!" My answer to that is "I know." But hear me out on this one- Maybin has incredible power, and we've had tastes of what he can do when he actually connects with a ball (skip to 2:50 and please mute your sound, you DO NOT want to listen to the song that is playing):
What I'm saying is that Maybin has true power- he just needs to become a better hitter all-around in 2013, hopefully reducing his strikeouts and having better plate discipline. I used to call him Cameron May...be He'll Get A Hit, but after his vast improvement in the second half of 2012, I see him having a great year, hopefully hitting somewhere near a .275 avg with 10-15 homers. And of course, we know the dude can play a mean center and steal a bunch of bases. Just FYI, Reese's puffs has never had a down year. Don't get it twisted.
Mark Kotsay = Lucky Charms
Yes you read it right, Mark Kotsay (he still plays?). This guys was a spark plug for the team last year, producing some clutch pinch-hits in crucial situations. He's a reliable veteranthat can come off the bench and still produce. I really hope he makes the squad this year, it really does make a difference having a veteran in the clubhouse and on the field for a team.
Sometimes I forget about Lucky Charms, sometimes I forget that Kotsay plays baseball. But when I remember, it tastes good.
Pretty much Mark Kotsay, right?
Carlos Quentin = Fruity Pebbles
Need I say more?
Yasmani Grandal = Wheaties
Sorry, but I have to:
Wow, he got big.
All jokes aside (Sorry Yasmani I know you love this blog), he is a GREAT player. He made a mistake and has owned up to it. I know we all hope this never happens again and that he will stay a Padre for years to come. He provides such a spark offensively and can only progress from here as such a young player. Plus, he is a switch hitter and can cause problems for pitchers on both sides of the plate. We got such an amazing package from the Reds in the Latos trade, and Grandal may end up being the prized possession (although Alonso and Volquez haven been equally as important).
The Entire Bullpen = Kix
Nothing special, but a great cereal. To the common eye, Kix look plain and boring. To the smart humans (Padres fans), Kix is a solid cereal that tastes refreshing and healthy (can things taste healthy...hot dogs, right?)
To the casual fan the Padres bullpen is lacking in big names and strong arms, to which I say lol. I want to see more from Nick Vincent but he had a productive 27 appearances for the team last year, posting a 1.71 ERA, .98 WHIP, and 9.6 SO/9, but I'd like to see the walks go down from 2.4 BB/9.
Thayer and Tatcher are solid relievers, with Thayer filling in as the closer for a portion of last year and Thatcher being awesome simply based on how he somehow pulls off his pitching delivery:
Huh?
Then we have Luke Gregerson, with a slider more deadly then Ricin (can Breaking Bad start again please?).
"Use the slider Luke, let go...of the ball."
Then we have Huston Street(Heath who?). The major problem for him was staying healthy last year. But, we can all be happy that his problems weren't shoulder or arm problems, so nothing mechanically will be or has been compromised. 23 saves a year ago, with only 17 hits allowed in 39 innings. Yeah I'll take that all day. If we can have an entire year with Street, the team will obviously benefit greatly. And hey, at least he'd be earning his 5 yr/$36M contract. If the bullpen produces like they should, who knows they may even evolve into Berry Berry Kix (and will be Berry Berry good, gosh I'm funny!)
Yes, please.
Starting Rotation = When you mix cereals and don't know how it'll taste
Yum?
I like all of the options for this year's rotation to start the year. Obviously when Luebke gets healthy, he's gonna be our guy. But for now I like all of the competition for the final 1 or 2 spots at the end of the rotation. Spring Training should be fun to watch for the young and Garcia (old) pitchers. But we won't know how good it will be until the real season starts, let's just hope we don't have 25 (or so) different starters like last year.
Kyle Blanks = Bran Flakes (with spoiled milk)
Awww thanks Mom this looks really good!
Sounds unhealthy amirite? Obviously a joke but seriously dude play for more than 55 games for once. If he can play like we all know he can, he could be a regular option on this team. I want him to get healthy and perform, then he can become Raisin Bran Crunch, with emphasis on the CRUNCH:
He can do this for the Padres, too? Please?
Honorable mention for Raisin Bran CRUNCH video:
There he is.
Alright folks, that's it. I love cereal and I love the Padres. Opinions shared in this entry do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the other writers, but they should start thinking like me because I'm always right.
