April crash brings May bash?

One might ask themselves when the offense is going to start clicking. Tonight, the Padres were once again goose-egged by what they thought would be a great opportunity with Matt Cain skipping his start due to a knife accident.

But they didn't capitalize. Instead, they had three hits, including one from Donn Roach. Yes, the middle reliever, newly added to the bullpen this year, Donn Roach. Two hits from the starters? That is bad news.

So, what is the answer? I am not sure. I do like that Bud Black is starting to mix it up some. Alonso riding the pine to get Grandal in the game. That is good. Realizing #Norf is the Padres current best hitter so batting him third. That is good. Having Maybin back in the lineup and having Jace Peterson start at third. Both are good. It shows their is realization that the Padres are currently batting .219 and ranked 29th of 30 in that category.

The Padres cannot expect to get 5 RBIs out of Rene Rivera ever night, but it was nice to see someone produce for the Padres. Why can't this happen more often? The Padres get enough people into scoring position (excluding tonight). Why can't they get the big hit? WHY? WHY? WHY?

So many whys, so little answers. I feel like the Padres season is like seasons 4-6 of LOST in which there are more questions than answers and fans are left dumbfounded. It sure would be interesting if somehow polar bears turned up in the Padres locker room. That would make for some great ratings.

One may game up north and then the Padres come home to face the current 8-22, worst in the NL, D'backs. Can this be the start to rally some offense? I mean, the Diamondbacks currently have the worst ERA in baseball at 5.26, so surely this will allow the Padres to cross some Padres across the plate? A team that has reached 5 runs only thrice this season needs all the help they can get.

Since the Padres aren't allowed to use aluminum bats, which I am not sure how much help that would even be, they are going to have to make due. The pitching is there and keeping the Friars in games, but the offense needs to break out of this month long slump. Maybe it is an April thing and I'll take that excuse. If so, lets hit the ground running in May and start the hitting parade.

Five Games in...Can We Panic Now?

Not yet, Ron, not yet....well maybe just a little bit.


Five games. 3 home, 2 road. One win, Four straight losses. 8 runs.

Yes, 8 runs in 5 games, and 25% of those runs came off two swings of the bat from our power-hitting, offseason acquisition, Seth Smith, which had to have set Josh Byrnes and Ron Fowler into a series of fist pumps and chest bumps.

6 extra base hits and Nick Hundley as the highest average man on the team. That can leave a few people scratching their heads. But don't worry! The Padres have 40 strikeouts in the 5 games alone, including 7 from Gyorko, 6 from Headley, and 5 from 2013 Team MVP Will Venable.

It is no secret the Padres rank dead last in Average, OBP, Slugging and OPS.

Maybe if I got an extension around here, I would start hitting better....

Let's face it, the pitching hasn't been much better, aside from Cashner. 21st in ERA (4.40) , 17th in average (.257), and 20th in WHIP (1.44).

Padres are 15th in fielding though, thats good, r-right?


All these being said, yes the team is not doing very good right now. Can it be put on coaching as several members of the internet have concluded?

@FollowThePadres if Amarista in the game bumps Venable to RF why is Venable our starting CF? No logic behind Buds decisions #firebudblack
— Ben (@bentrb4) April 6, 2014

So 5th game of the year and the 5th different! So much for guys getting in a groove. #Padres #FireBudBlack
— GoSeeThePads (@FakePadsGM) April 5, 2014

Must be baseball season, cause #firebudblack is trending... ;)
— Shannon M (@ShannonsParty) April 6, 2014

I do not think it is time to yell and scream quite yet, but I do have to wonder what is going on. Notorious for different lineups, Bud is already on his 6th one of the year and he has not even attempted to challenge a call even though there have been situations to warrant it. Bud, they don't carry over to the next game.

But it is five games and as the usual Padres optimist in me, there is no place to go but up from here right? I know the team is better this year and I know some injuries (although reoccurring) have altered the Padres plans. Let's give five more games before the witch hunt begins.

We're coming for you, Bud!

Padres Weight Loss Program: Lose 19lbs EASY!

We get it, you are fat. We all are. Not many of us can complete a complete cycle of p90x, mainly because we get fed up with Tony Horton around Day 8. Not to worry, we at The Pitiful Padres help you to cut calories this year while religiously watching your favorite baseball team, the San Diego Padres.

Panda Sandoval needs to get on my program

Step 1: Find a perfect spot to watch

This might sound tougher than it sounds. Well, not really. Found a couch and a big TV. This is where your 162-game + playoffs* (*not guaranteed) work out will take place.

Step 2: Construct your workout

• Pre-Game: 
• If you are like me, you are pacing for at least 20 minutes prior to the game beginning waiting for the first pitch home run-turned-fly-ball at Petco Park. Without even knowing, you have began your workout and burned 68 calories before the Star-Spangled Banner is botched by some eight year old girl scout troop.
  
• During Game:









 Padres fan, King Leonidas, used this workout before filming 300

• Sac Bunt/Stolen Base sit-ups: Since the Padres are one of the most efficient teams in these two categories in 2012 with 155 SB's (2nd) and 63 Sac Bunts (9th), let us fans show our appreciation for the efficiency the Padres use to produced and the small ball tactics they display by doing sit-ups. Every 5 push ups is 1 calorie, so why not go 25 sit-ups to burn 5. The Padres average 1.34 of these run producers a game which comes out to 6.72 calories per game which getting abs to rival those of the Spartans in 300.
• Home Run Hops: For every Padres home run Chase Headley hits, or any Padre for that matter, you can celebrate with them by jumping up and down for 30 seconds. The Padres hit just 121 (.75) home runs last year, which ranked 3rd last in the MLB, so this rare feat deserves some recognition. And at 6.25 calories per jack, your scale is going to be stoked about those fences moving in this year. 4.68 calories per game
• Squats for strike outs: The Padres struck out 1238 times last season (7.64/game), which ranked 14th in the league. To imitate Padres players taking a squat on the bench after swinging and missing, start doing squats for 30 seconds. To calculate calories, a simple math problem: Your Weight x .096 x .5 (30 seconds). For me (180lbs), that is 8.64 calories per whiff if we calculate that times 7.64, that is 66 calories a game. Lets just hope the Padres don't run into Aaron Harang again, or your legs could be on fire for a few innings.
• Double Plays=Strong Legs Since the Padres were too lazy to run out that ground ball to short stop, your calves with suffer because of it. Stand up and do calf raises for 30 seconds to burn. Don't worry, Padres grounded into 100 DP's last year (26th) for only 2 calories per game
• Running For Runs The Padres were 23rd in the MLB last year with 651 runs scored last year, so why don't us fans give a little extra hustle to inspire the Padres and run in place for 30 seconds after every run scored. This will burn 5 calories and with the average of 4.01 runs per game, that is 20 calories per game
• Post Game
• Padres Victory Push ups After every Padres victory, which we can assume on 162 this year, do 25 push ups. For all those glass-half-empty people, do 25 even if they lose to encourage them for next game. At 1 calorie each, that is 25 calories per game

Now to do our final tallies. If we add up the average calories burned per game with the exercise and then factor in 295 calories for sitting and watching the game (2.9hrs, the average length of game x 102 calories/hour sitting and talking), we come up with 419.4 calories per game burned! Times that by 162 games, we can burn 67,942.8 calories per season which if divided by 3,500 (the amount of calories in a pound), we can burn 19.41lbs this season simply by watching baseball.

Fun Fact: Chase Headley will actually help you lose the most weight on the team! Leading the team with 157 strikeouts (1,356 calories), 95 Runs  (475 calories), 31 HRs (193.75) and contributing 22 Sac/SB (110 calories) and 7 GIDP (14 calories), Headley alone contributes for 2148.75 calories without even including his wins. Headley helps you lose .61lbs, he is your weight loss MVP.

Of course these numbers don't factor in the number of hot dogs (290 calories, 21g fat/dog), Peanuts (840 calories/8oz bag), Nachos (1500 calories/40 chips with 4oz cheese), Pretzels (400 calories), and soda (230 calories/20oz) according to a "Health Website"

I guess what I am trying to say is, you are fighting a losing battle, so everything helps. But overall, my message, however conflicting it may be, EAT UP FATTY! BASEBALL IS BACK!